＜秘密＞ A Secret


 * 汁: Looks like a good final version
 * 味: Gave it another review, it's good to go.
 * 月: Great.
 * 天: Ok it's finished then I guess

Translation
&lt;秘密&gt; A Secret

[天: Since 出 hasn't shown up in a while, I'll go ahead and change things if they are within the range of interpretation.]

『時々ここに来るわ. もしよかったら、また話し相手に　なってくれる？』 なんて台詞を聞いてから早、数日. あれからランに会えてない. 今日も、今日もと楽しみにしている割には、なかなか会えないから世の中難しい.

“I come here once in a while. If it’s OK with you, maybe we can talk some more another time.” It’s already been several days since she said that.

''[出: Maybe ‘sentence’ or something sounds better. Any ideas?]''

[汁: I inverted the focus: "since she said that"]

I haven’t seen Ran since then. Every day I hope to see her, so it depresses me that I rarely get to meet her..

[出: This sounds weird, but it’s all I can come up with right now.]

[汁: How about something along the line of "makes me miserable"?]

[月: i think miserables a bit harsh, and i think sad is fine but if you want to change it how about" so it depresses me that i rarely get to meet her" or something its a bit of a change but i also like it and it stays true to the general feelings and key point of the sentence.]

''[天: I'd go with 月's suggestion here. The "the fact that..." part, while pretty literal, just seems kinda awkward to me.]''

ということで、今日こそは会えないかなと落ち込まない程度に期待して、足を進める.

That's why I set my hope of meeting her on a reasonable level and go off to do some fishing. [出: The fishing part is implied here, but I think it sounds a bit half arsed to leave it out completely.] [月: That's fine"]

浮島に到着したけれど、やはりランの姿はどこにもない. いやいや、単にまだ来てないだけかも. 俺は釣り場のポイントを見定めて、糸を垂らす. ちゃぷんと小気味いい音を立ててエサが川の中に沈んでいく.

When I arrive at the island, Ran is nowhere to be seen, as expected. Hey, she might just not have arrived yet. I pick out my fishing spot and drop the line. The bait plunges into the river with a pleasant sound.

川の流れに浮きの身を任せながらのんびりと水面を見つめる. 時々見える、銀色の光に期待をしながら、いつの間にか、うつらうつらと舟を漕ぐ. 暖かな光と、アモレアの香り、涼しい緑の風、微動だにしない浮きがあれば、まぶたが重くなっても仕方がない.

I leave the bait to float in the river while gazing at the water's surface. Although I hope to catch something every time there's a flash of silver,

[汁: I really don't like this] 

[出: Why not?]

[''月: yeh, it sounds iffy maybe make it one sentence "at the waters surface and anxiously hope to catch something every time a silver flash is seen." that sounds okay to me but i'm not sure.]''

''[汁: Fixed. It's the passive that just wouldn't do it]''

''[天: So, it's fixed then, right? Personally I think it sounds ok now.]''

I nod off without noticing. The warm sunlight, the scent from the Amoreas, the cool forest breeze; combine all this with the fact that you're not moving a muscle, and of course you’re going to get sleepy.

[味: Got a little liberal with the last part (since I thought it sounded kinda odd), tell me what you guys think]

[月: all good.]

【ラン】「・・・リック」 かくんッと落ちた首を持ち上げ、一瞬状況が把握できないまま辺りをキョロキョロする. 【ラン】「リック、こんにちわ」 うすらぼけた目の前には覗き込むランの顔があった.

Ran: “…Rick” I pull up my head that had sunk down while I was napping and start looking around restlessly for a while, not able to grasp the situation.

[汁: methinks the word you're looking for is "confused"]

[月: thats not right either, but out of both i prefer restlessly."]

[味: "Frantically" maybe?] 

[月: frantically is too strong thats a life or death desperate word.]

Ran: “Hello Rick.”

Ran’s face is peeping at me in front of my still blurry eyes.

【リック】「あ、あ、ラ、ラン. こんにちわ」 俺はとりあえず、口元を拭って、寝惚けた眼をパチパチとまばたきしていつもの顔に戻したつもり. 【ラン】「久しぶりね. 来よう来ようと思ってたんだけど　なかなか来る時間がなくて」 ランは、俺の隣に座って、うふふと笑った.

Rick: “Ah, ah... Ra-, Ran. Hi there.” I immediately wipe the drool off my mouth and blink my sleepy eyes to make my face look normal again. Ran: “Long time no see. I thought about coming here again, but I just couldn’t find time.”

She sits down next to me and giggles.

【ラン】「もしかして、私のこと待ってて　くれた？」 ひょこっと俺の顔を覗き込むラン. かぁーっと顔が赤くなるのを覚える.

Ran: “Were you waiting for me?”

[汁: asking to make sure, would "were you waiting" be appropriate?]

[天: Yeah, that sounds better here I think.]

She glances at my face. I realize I’m blushing bright red.

【リック】「え？　べ、別にそんなことないよ」 俺はごまかすようにそう答える. 【ラン】「そうなの？」 【リック】「あ、もちろん、ランに会えて　嬉しいと思ってるよ」 慌てて、そう言い直すと、ランは嬉しそうに笑った.

Rick: “Eh? N-, no, not really.” I say, trying to fool her. Ran: “Really?” Rick: “Ah, of course I am glad that I got to meet you today, Ran.”

When I hastily change my statement, she laughs happily.

【リック】「ラ、ランて、ここには何しに来てるの？」 【ラン】「リックは？」 【リック】「え、あ、俺はここで夕飯のおかずを　釣ってたり、薬草採ってたりしてんだ」 【ラン】「そうなんだ. 釣れる？」 【リック】「うん、今日はまだ釣れてないけど　いつもはすっげー釣れたりするんだ. で、ランは？」

Rick: “Ra-, Ran, just what do you do here?” Ran: “What about you?” Rick: “Eh, ah, I fish for dinner and pick medicinal herbs.” Ran: “I see. Can you catch any here?” Rick: “Yeah, tho I haven’t caught anything yet today, but usually I get these really huge fish here! So, what about you?”

''[味: Changed Ran's question to a subjunctive form as it flows more smoothly with Rick's response. Although "Do you catch any fish" still seems like a rather dumb question to ask ^^;][天: Hm I know it's a little tricky. She's actually just asking if you can fish here.]''

【ラン】「花を摘みに来てるの」 【リック】「家に飾るんだ. ランて、どんな家に住んでるの？」 【ラン】「リックは？」 【リック】「え、俺？　俺は村外れに弟と一緒に　住んでるよ. で、ランは？」

Ran: “I come here to pick flowers.” Rick: “Ah, to decorate your house. What kind of house do you live in?” Ran: “What about you?” Rick: “Eh, me? I live with my little brother a bit outside of the village. So, what about you?”

【ラン】「いいじゃない、そういうの. それとも、言わないと私のこと　嫌いになる？」 【リック】「まさか、そんなことないよ」 ・・・どうも、ランは自分のこととなると途端に口をつぐんでしまう. 調子が狂うな. 別に自分のことを話さないからって、嫌いになるわけじゃないけど少しだけやりづらい.

Ran: “That doesn’t matter, does it? Or will you dislike me if I don’t tell you?” Rick: “What? Of course not.”

...She seems to clam up every time I ask her something personal. Let’s not act up here. I won’t dislike her for not wanting to talk about herself, but it does make things a bit more difficult.

【ラン】「あ、リック. 糸、引いてるわよ」 【リック】「え？　あ、ホントだ！」 俺は急いで竿を掴んで、ぐいと引き上げる. Ran: “Ah, Rick, I think you’ve caught something.” Rick: “Huh? Oh, you’re right!”

I quickly grab the fishing pole and yank it up.

ぱしゃんと音がして、細長い魚が水上に跳ね上がる. それをそのまま釣り上げる. 魚は草の上に落ちて、ぴちぴちと尾を振って、水を飛ばしていた. 【ラン】「すごい！　すごいわ、リック！」 ランが釣り上げられた魚を見て目を丸くする.

A slender fish splashes up through the water and I land it right away. It falls onto the grass and jumps and kicks with its tail fin, flinging water all over. Ran: “Wow! That’s awesome Rick!”

She stares at the newly caught fish with astonishment.

【リック】「結構大きいな」 その魚はなかなか立派な大きさでやたら元気に跳ね回っている. 【リック】「そうだ. ラン、持って帰ったら　どうだい？　家族で食べるにはちょうどいいかも」 俺は、針にエサをつけ直して、少しポイントをずらして川に投げた.

Rick: “It’s quite big, isn’t it?” [出: No pun intended?][月:Honestly didn't notice it till you brought it up =P][味: Now I can't stop reading "fish" as "penis", thanks alot XD] The perfectly sized fish flaps around energetically. Rick: “Hey, Ran. Why don’t you take this home with you? Wouldn’t it be nice to share this with your family?”

I put some more bait on the hook and throw it back into the river.

【ラン】「え？　あ、ううん. ごめんなさい. ちょっと持って帰れないわ. たぶん、私の口には入らないし」 まぁ、突然、魚を持って帰ったらって言われても、普通は断るよな. でも、自分の口には入らない、ってなんだ？

Ran: “Huh? Ah, no thank you. I don’t think I could bring that with me. I probably couldn’t eat it anyway…” ''[天: making a little change here. I think with 口には入らない she means that somebody else but her would eat the fish.]''

Well, you usually say no thank you if someone suddenly offers you a fish anyway, don’t you? But what does she mean by not being able to eat it?

【ラン】「あ、そろそろ帰らなくちゃ. じゃ、リック. またお話ししましょ？」 【リック】「えっ？　もう帰っちゃうの？　もう少し・・・」 ランは立ち上がり、うふっと笑い、何も答えずに歩き出した.

Ran: “Ah, I’ve got to go back home soon. Bye Rick. Shall we talk again some other time?” Rick: “Huh? You’re going home already? But I wanted to…”

She stands up, giggles a bit and starts walking without answering me.

【ラン】「またね」 ランは軽く手を振ると、摘んだ花を抱えて、丘の奥に小走りに駆けていく. そして、俺は、ぐるぐる巻きの尻尾の女の子が、向こう岸へ消えて行くのをずっと眺めていた.

Ran: “See you.”

After waving at me, she grabs the flowers she’d picked and hurries over a hill. [出: Does “scurry” sound too strange or out of place here?][[汁: Sort of. Maybe something more like "hurry"?] I stay put, watching the girl with her wrapped up tail disappear to the shore on the other side.

結局、ランは自分のことについては何も話してくれなかったな. 女性は謎めいている方が美しい、なんて何かの本で読んだけど、いくらなんでもわからなさ過ぎだよなぁ. 俺は、ランの消えた先を眺めながらため息をついた.

In the end, she didn’t tell me a single thing about herself. I’ve read in some book that the most enigmatic women are the most beautiful, but be that as it may I still think I know too little about her. ''[出: Going off the original text a bit. Too much?][天: Nope, don't think so.] ''I sigh and look at where she disappeared.

風がざざざと浮島を吹き抜けていく. 少しだけ、ランの残り香が鼻先をかすめていった気がした. ちゃぷん、と浮きが沈む音がした.

The wind sweeps along the island. The last remaining hint of her scent grazes my face. The bobber sinks again with a dunking sound. ''[出: Is “plunging” too strong? Come to think of it, is plunging even a word?][汁: tried a different word][月: How about "the bobber goes under again with a dunking sound and plunging is a word it is the present tense of a plunge, "to plunge off a cliff" it means to throw oneself or to submerge which is the meaning implied in this sentence."][味: I think "hint" ends up working better than "whiff" :P]''

Finished version
&lt;秘密&gt; A Secret

『時々ここに来るわ. もしよかったら、また話し相手に　なってくれる？』 なんて台詞を聞いてから早、数日. あれからランに会えてない. 今日も、今日もと楽しみにしている割には、なかなか会えないから世の中難しい.

“I come here once in a while. If it’s OK with you, maybe we can talk some more another time.”

It’s already been several days since she said that. I haven’t seen Ran since then.

Every day I hope to see her, and so it depresses me that I just rarely get to meet her.

ということで、今日こそは会えないかなと落ち込まない程度に期待して、足を進める.

That's why I set my hope of meeting her on a reasonable level and go off to do some fishing.

浮島に到着したけれど、やはりランの姿はどこにもない. いやいや、単にまだ来てないだけかも. 俺は釣り場のポイントを見定めて、糸を垂らす. ちゃぷんと小気味いい音を立ててエサが川の中に沈んでいく.

When I arrive at the island, Ran is nowhere to be seen, as expected. Hey, she might just not have arrived yet.

I pick out my fishing spot and drop the line. The bait plunges into the river with a pleasant sound.

川の流れに浮きの身を任せながらのんびりと水面を見つめる. 時々見える、銀色の光に期待をしながら、いつの間にか、うつらうつらと舟を漕ぐ. 暖かな光と、アモレアの香り、涼しい緑の風、微動だにしない浮きがあれば、まぶたが重くなっても仕方がない.

I leave the bait to float in the river while gazing at the water's surface.

Although I hope to catch something every time there's a flash of silver, I nod off without noticing.

The warm sunlight, the scent from the Amoreas, the cool forest breeze; combine all this with the fact that you're not moving a muscle, and of course you’re going to get sleepy.

【ラン】「・・・リック」 かくんッと落ちた首を持ち上げ、一瞬状況が把握できないまま辺りをキョロキョロする. 【ラン】「リック、こんにちわ」 うすらぼけた目の前には覗き込むランの顔があった.

Ran: “…Rick” I pull up my head that had sunk down while I was napping and start looking around restlessly for a while, not able to grasp the situation. Ran: “Hello Rick.”

Ran’s face is peeping at me in front of my still blurry eyes.

【リック】「あ、あ、ラ、ラン. こんにちわ」 俺はとりあえず、口元を拭って、寝惚けた眼をパチパチとまばたきしていつもの顔に戻したつもり. 【ラン】「久しぶりね. 来よう来ようと思ってたんだけど　なかなか来る時間がなくて」 ランは、俺の隣に座って、うふふと笑った.

Rick: “Ah, ah... Ra-, Ran. Hi there.” I immediately wipe the drool off my mouth and blink my sleepy eyes to make my face look normal again. Ran: “Long time no see. I thought about coming here again, but I just couldn’t find time.”

She sits down next to me and giggles.

【ラン】「もしかして、私のこと待ってて　くれた？」 ひょこっと俺の顔を覗き込むラン. かぁーっと顔が赤くなるのを覚える.

Ran: “Were you waiting for me?”

She glances at my face. I realize I’m blushing bright red.

【リック】「え？　べ、別にそんなことないよ」 俺はごまかすようにそう答える. 【ラン】「そうなの？」 【リック】「あ、もちろん、ランに会えて　嬉しいと思ってるよ」 慌てて、そう言い直すと、ランは嬉しそうに笑った.

Rick: “Eh? N-, no, not really.” I say, trying to fool her. Ran: “Really?” Rick: “Ah, of course I am glad that I got to meet you today, Ran.”

When I hastily change my statement, she laughs happily.

【リック】「ラ、ランて、ここには何しに来てるの？」 【ラン】「リックは？」 【リック】「え、あ、俺はここで夕飯のおかずを　釣ってたり、薬草採ってたりしてんだ」 【ラン】「そうなんだ. 釣れる？」 【リック】「うん、今日はまだ釣れてないけど　いつもはすっげー釣れたりするんだ. で、ランは？」

Rick: “Ra-, Ran, just what do you do here?” Ran: “What about you?” Rick: “Eh, ah, I fish for dinner and pick medicinal herbs.” Ran: “I see. Can you catch any here?” Rick: “Yeah, tho I haven’t caught anything yet today, but usually I get these really huge fish here! So, what about you?”

【ラン】「花を摘みに来てるの」 【リック】「家に飾るんだ. ランて、どんな家に住んでるの？」 【ラン】「リックは？」 【リック】「え、俺？　俺は村外れに弟と一緒に　住んでるよ. で、ランは？」

Ran: “I come here to pick flowers.” Rick: “Ah, to decorate your house. What kind of house do you live in?” Ran: “What about you?” Rick: “Eh, me? I live with my little brother a bit outside of the village. So, what about you?”

【ラン】「いいじゃない、そういうの. それとも、言わないと私のこと　嫌いになる？」 【リック】「まさか、そんなことないよ」 ・・・どうも、ランは自分のこととなると途端に口をつぐんでしまう. 調子が狂うな. 別に自分のことを話さないからって、嫌いになるわけじゃないけど少しだけやりづらい.

Ran: “That doesn’t matter, does it? Or will you dislike me if I don’t tell you?” Rick: “What? Of course not.”

...She seems to clam up every time I ask her something personal. Let’s not act up here.

I won’t dislike her for not wanting to talk about herself, but it does make things a bit more difficult.

【ラン】「あ、リック. 糸、引いてるわよ」 【リック】「え？　あ、ホントだ！」 俺は急いで竿を掴んで、ぐいと引き上げる. Ran: “Ah, Rick, I think you’ve caught something.” Rick: “Huh? Oh, you’re right!”

I quickly grab the fishing pole and yank it up.

ぱしゃんと音がして、細長い魚が水上に跳ね上がる. それをそのまま釣り上げる. 魚は草の上に落ちて、ぴちぴちと尾を振って、水を飛ばしていた. 【ラン】「すごい！　すごいわ、リック！」 ランが釣り上げられた魚を見て目を丸くする.

A slender fish splashes up through the water and I land it right away. It falls onto the grass and jumps and kicks with its tail fin, flinging water all over. Ran: “Wow! That’s awesome Rick!”

She stares at the newly caught fish with astonishment.

【リック】「結構大きいな」 その魚はなかなか立派な大きさでやたら元気に跳ね回っている. 【リック】「そうだ. ラン、持って帰ったら　どうだい？　家族で食べるにはちょうどいいかも」 俺は、針にエサをつけ直して、少しポイントをずらして川に投げた.

Rick: “It’s quite big, isn’t it?” The perfectly sized fish flaps around energetically. Rick: “Hey, Ran. Why don’t you take this home with you? Wouldn’t it be nice to share this with your family?”

I put some more bait on the hook and throw it back into the river.

【ラン】「え？　あ、ううん. ごめんなさい. ちょっと持って帰れないわ. たぶん、私の口には入らないし」 まぁ、突然、魚を持って帰ったらって言われても、普通は断るよな. でも、自分の口には入らない、ってなんだ？

Ran: “Huh? Ah, no thank you. I don’t think I could bring that with me. I probably couldn’t eat it anyway…”

Well, you usually say no thank you if someone suddenly offers you a fish anyway, don’t you? But what does she mean by not being able to eat it?

【ラン】「あ、そろそろ帰らなくちゃ. じゃ、リック. またお話ししましょ？」 【リック】「えっ？　もう帰っちゃうの？　もう少し・・・」 ランは立ち上がり、うふっと笑い、何も答えずに歩き出した.

Ran: “Ah, I’ve got to go back home soon. Bye Rick. Shall we talk again some other time?” Rick: “Huh? You’re going home already? But I wanted to…”

She stands up, giggles a bit and starts walking without answering me.

【ラン】「またね」 ランは軽く手を振ると、摘んだ花を抱えて、丘の奥に小走りに駆けていく. そして、俺は、ぐるぐる巻きの尻尾の女の子が、向こう岸へ消えて行くのをずっと眺めていた.

Ran: “See you.”

After waving at me, she grabs the flowers she’d picked and hurries over a hill.

I stay put, watching the girl with her bandaged tail disappear to the shore on the other side.

結局、ランは自分のことについては何も話してくれなかったな. 女性は謎めいている方が美しい、なんて何かの本で読んだけど、いくらなんでもわからなさ過ぎだよなぁ. 俺は、ランの消えた先を眺めながらため息をついた.

In the end, she didn’t tell me a single thing about herself.

I’ve read in some book that the most enigmatic women are the most beautiful, but be that as it may I still think I know too little about her.

I sigh and look at where she disappeared.

風がざざざと浮島を吹き抜けていく. 少しだけ、ランの残り香が鼻先をかすめていった気がした. ちゃぷん、と浮きが沈む音がした.

The wind sweeps along the island. The last remaining hint of her scent grazes my face.

And the bobber sinks again with a dunking sound.